Categories
journal

Boulderward?

Two days ago I was leaning towards California’s Area of Bays, but now I’m on the other side of the Rockies.  Trying to imagine, what would I do out there?  How would I get to know people?  Who would I meet?  And even just looking at the organizations I know about already, I’m finding it’s pretty hard to imagine not making friends in Boulder.  Again.  I think part of me has been resistant to the idea, because it reeks of the path of least resistance.  Somehow it feels like running back to Caltech when I don’t know what to do next, and that has historically resulted in a lot of psychological trauma.  As the saying goes… “Never again”.  But moving to Boulder was much more intentional than coming to Caltech the first time around.  I tried to put my head in Boulder last night.  I tried to imagine, what would I be doing now, if I were there?  How would I meet people?  The main strength that the Bay Area has in my mind is that there are more people there that I know than in Boulder, and that all else being equal, it’s likely that that will continue to be the case going forward, as it seems to be a fairly deep potential well for the types of folks that have passed through my life.  It’s a bigger place too, in terms of people and economy.  It would have more variety in both.  More opportunity.  But at what expense?  And is more really better in this context?  Living there is much more expensive (incredibly… since Boulder isn’t exactly cheap).  The wilderness is harder to get to by bike.  I love the idea of cities but for historical reasons, I am a creature of town and country.  There are other paths I might have taken that would have led me to large urban centers, but it’s unclear whether it’s worth my exploring those paths at this point.

I need a sense of community, and a local culture I can feel a part of.  I need some strategic long term flexibility in job opportunities.  I need wilderness.  I need a place that loves bicycles.  I need some social seed crystals.

I’d been thinking that I’d float for the summer, traveling and visiting, but without any real roots.  Without making a choice.  And then in the fall, figure out where to go.  But now I’m not so sure that’s the best way to go.  Maybe instead it makes sense to go to a place and float there.  Tread water, and see how it feels.  This would put these summer months to good use.  Still enjoyable, but with the deeper purpose of getting to know the place and the people.  Or getting to know them again.  Backpacking and bike riding.  Potlucks and parties.  Social networking for fun and profit.

And so it was that I re-acquainted myself with Community Cycles, which is a kind of combination Bike Oven and CICLE, rolled into one.  I was especially moved by this wonderful five minute vignette:

It seems almost too good to be true.  A town cris-crossed by bike paths, with a multi branch bike culture organization that is apparently thriving and growing and able to support itself financially?  That has an aggressively understanding DoT (compared to some places we could name).  How could I not work with them?

Categories
tweets

Tweets for the week of 2010-05-23

  • I did not bike to work today, but only because I don't have a job. Luckily Upper Clamshell Truck Trail is all kinds of awesome! #
  • I feel like my life has become too much overhead, and not enough living. #
  • We need more bicycles, and less Zoloft™. We need time enough for love. http://bit.ly/crtcLm #
  • Exactly 2600 days is new personal record, but somehow it just doesn't feel like much of an accomplishment. #
  • FB == http://bit.ly/bF8vkq #
  • Ah, Perl. It's been a long time since we spent any time together. #
Categories
journal

We need more bicycles, less Zoloft™

I’m an emphatically utilitarian cyclist.  My bike is my only ride.  It is my way of going.  It is point A to point B with a pile of stuff.  But that’s not all it is, and sometimes I forget.

I started biking 20 years ago when I was 14 and living in Japan as an exchange student.  It was how everyone got to school.  Every morning was a flood of blue wool uniforms on classic bikes going clickety-click and ding-ding.  Baskets, fenders, and not much in the way of gears.  So it was utilitarian there too, but I also used my bike as an anti-depressant.  I didn’t speak Japanese when I got there.  My family didn’t speak English.  All the other students were always busy with homework.  I was lonely to the point of tears.  Sometimes I’d ride around after school until dark.  Sometimes beyond dark, in the rain and the wind.  I discovered fireflies in a peace park one night.  I let a typhoon blow me across the plain.  I climbed hills and had crashes.  It was a kind of love affair, it was something I could feel unabashedly good about, even if my host family thought I was crazy for staying out and getting drenched.  It was deep rhythmic breathing and endorphins.  It was still lonely, but at least I was focused.  I felt free.  When I came back to the US, I traded the circuitous hour and a half long school bus ride for an additional seventy nine minutes of sleep and an eleven minute bike ride each morning.

Categories
tweets

Tweets for the week of 2010-05-16

  • Sometimes I wonder if Caltech's therapists wish they'd taken more math and physics… just to understand the analogies we end up making. #
  • Reveled in some of the season's last goosebumps with the cool breeze at the top of Chantry Flats fire road. #
  • Women of Earth: please figure out what you want in your romantic relationships and demand it early and often, for we are easily confused. #
  • Listening to Yo La Tengo clearly not helping anything. Must need bike ride. To be followed by a more different bike ride. #
  • Dirt: The Erosion of Civilizations: If the flux of soil downhill > long term rate of soil production, we're screwed: http://bit.ly/auwf6O #
  • Somewhat desperately trying to recapture the joy of not knowing what the hell is going on. #
  • Anyone want to do an 80 km Monrovia Canyon, Rincon Red Box, Mt. Wilson Toll Rd. overnight loop? http://bit.ly/d8AE1h #
  • Beautiful S24O above Chantry. Sparkling city, then glowing below the fog, blanketed with cottony white at dawn. But so lonely. #
  • Que de hauts que de basC'est la vie dans ce monde
    Triste réalité #
  • Thoughts on Nils Gilman's Deviant Globalization via @longnow. When corporations write the law, all markets become gray: http://bit.ly/ckRpp5 #
Categories
journal

Alone in the world again

Note: this was originally written May 14th, 6 weeks ago.

I thought I wouldn’t have to do this again.  Not alone.  Build a future from scratch.  Carve it out of a big block of nothing.  It felt so comfortable.  So safe.  At least there will always be Michelle.  That’s what I thought.  Now I’m moving out.  She’s kicking me out.  Get out.  Get out of my life.  Go away.  Tyler doesn’t live here anymore!

I’m going to live in the front house for six weeks, and we’re going to try to get to know each other again.  I feel like I’m a burden on her.  An emotional liability to be written off if possible.  Hazardous psychological material.  Who would want to get to know me?  And so the thought of going off again, into the world, to try and make a place for myself alone, seems impossible.  But at the same time, it seems like that’s what she’s trying to get me to do.  Think about being apart.  Dream about it, and hope it’s not just a nightmare.

Categories
tweets

Tweets for the week of 2010-05-09

  • Visited the quintessential reasonable guy. Made it back to Pasadena. Tired in multiple dimensions. Bathing sounds like a good idea. #
  • Acid and heroin soaked 1960s rock and roll, or a bike ride… #
  • Taking George Church's Genomics and Computational Biology course at MIT… on the interwebernet http://bit.ly/9KXAxW #
  • I clearly do not understand how this works. But that doesn't mean I can't fix it. But that doesn't mean I can't break it. #
  • Radio of the Mexican guys working next door is playing a song I heard in Chihuahua, over and over, about leaving women & working in the US. #
  • I wonder if I can make it all the way up the Mt. Wilson Toll Rd. while crying. Only one way to find out! #
  • I wish doctors would prescribe more bicycle rides and less Zoloft. #
  • Telling stories, even true stories, is so easy. But telling whole true stories well is very hard, especially when they're about yourself. #
  • Some thoughts on "You Just Don’t Understand: Men and Women in Conversation", by Deborah Tannen http://bit.ly/9HHx2J #
  • Upping the hill, meditating on multimode marital metacommunication. #
Categories
journal

You Just Don’t Understand by Deborah Tannen

Deborah Tannen is a sociolinguist at Georgetown University who studies “genderlects” — the speech and conversational patterns that exist both between women and men, and also within same-sex communications.  She wrote You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation in 1990, and it explores an interesting way to interpret several types of common (often, explicitly stereotypical) misunderstandings that take place between men and women.  Her idea is that generally in conversation women are trying (perhaps unconsciously) to facilitate intimacy, building relationships through social connectedness, whereas men are attempting (also perhaps unconsciously) to negotiate a social hierarchy.

Categories
tweets

Tweets for the week of 2010-05-02

  • Buzzed from the bike. Buzzed from the bourbon. Ahhh. #
  • Experimenting with Chinese-Mexican fusion for lunch. I'll call it… SzechMex! #
  • The topographic absorption spectra of bicycles… or why touring is a lot like life: http://bit.ly/91m6Vo #
  • I think that with a 13% unemployment rate in California it should be easier to get people to come biking with me on weekdays. #
  • OMG! Weedandcoffeedirtroadbicyclepicniclibrarythriftshopiloveyou… #
  • Maybe I'll try and ride from Santa Barbara to Pasadena without ever getting on the PCH. I wonder if I could do it all on dirt roads? #
  • I need a hug. Where's that vodka. #
  • I can't sleep. How am I going to get that 0730 train? Am I really just never supposed to leave town? Never did find the vodka… #
  • I guess I'll try and get this emotional train wreck on an actual train. What are the chances of the same train having two wrecks at once? #
  • Made it to the Montgomery Monastery above Santa Barbara for some much needed staring into scenic California space. #
  • Coffee, hammock, reading, hammock, hiking, hammock, eating, hammock, sleeping. #
  • Headed down the coast at dawn from the mountain people to the boat people, then home via Mulholland Drive on Monday. #
Categories
tweets

Tweets for the week of 2010-04-24

  • Will join the lotophagi soon. #
  • Anybody want to hit the Mt. Wilson Bike Association Pancake Breakfast Sunday… and then ride up the toll road? http://mwba.org/ #
  • Riding my bike up the Mt. Wilson Toll Road to celebrate #420 #
  • Bike touring in Chihuahua didn't remind me about what riding in the rain is like. Or hot showers w/ dry clothes afterward! #
  • Out into the rain for a bicycle talk. Thank goodness for fenders. #
  • Three weeks of bike touring in Mexico's Sierra Madre cost me all of $500, including $200 for transport to and from Chihuahua. What a deal! #
  • Got 4 mystery wines from Chronicle for blind tasting. All pinot noir it turned out. Exactly nobody guessed that! #
  • I feel the way bank robbers must feel before they go out on that last job that ends up getting them all killed. That is to say, optimistic. #
  • Going to watch the Coen Bros. "A Serious Man" in the hopes that it'll make me feel like my life is going well. #
  • Biked up Mt. Wilson today. Again tomorrow, w/ chicas and a picnic. Feeling a little girl crazy. #
Categories
tweets

Tweets for the week of 2010-04-18

  • Part of me wanted to keep biking in Mexico indefinitely, but I took a bus from Chihuahua across the border at Juarez and on to LA instead. #